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Part 2: Let's Talk About Death
The Conversation Toolkit
How to Talk About Death Without Fear or Conflict
These scripts and tools can help you start real conversations that build understanding instead of fear.
Adapt them to your own relationships and tone.
Adapt them to your own relationships and tone.
1. When a Parent Brings It Up to an Adult Child
How to start:
“I’ve been organizing a few things and realized I don’t want you to ever be left guessing.
Can we set aside some time to walk through it together?”
Can we set aside some time to walk through it together?”
If they seem hesitant:
“This isn’t about being morbid. It’s about wanting things to be simple and straightforward for you when the time comes.”
To close the first talk:
“Thank you for being open. I’ll keep this updated as things change, and you can always ask me anything.”
2. When an Adult Child Brings It Up to a Parent
How to start:
“I know this might feel awkward, but I want to make sure we all know what to do if something unexpected happens.
Would you be open to talking about what you’d want and where things are kept?”
Would you be open to talking about what you’d want and where things are kept?”
If they deflect or joke:
"I get it, this isn’t an easy topic, but it would really help me to understand what matters most to you so I can do right by you later.”
To follow up:
“Would you be comfortable sharing where your documents are, or who to contact if something happens? We can take it one step at a time.”
3. When Partners Talk to Each Other
How to start:
“If something ever happened to one of us, I want to be sure each of us knows exactly what to do.
Can we set aside some time to make sure everything is written down and clear?”
Can we set aside some time to make sure everything is written down and clear?”
If one partner avoids it:
“I know it’s not an easy topic, but it’s something we can work through together so we both feel prepared.”
To end the talk:
“Let’s save everything where we both can access it so it’s organized and easy to update later.”
Before You Begin
- Choose a quiet, private moment. Avoid times of stress or distraction.
- Explain your intent: “I want to make sure things are easier for everyone later.”
- Decide who should be part of the discussion.
During the Talk
- Lead with empathy and honesty.
- Explain what matters most to you and why.
- Pause often and listen to questions or concerns.
- Acknowledge discomfort: “I know this can feel heavy, but not talking about it only makes things harder later.”
After the Talk
- Summarize what was discussed and what still needs to be done.
- Share where key documents and information are stored.
- Store everything securely, making sure the right people can access it when needed.
- Revisit the conversation each year or when circumstances change.
If You Are the One Receiving the Conversation
When someone shares their wishes with you, take it as a sign of trust, not finality.
- Listen more than you speak.
- Ask clear, gentle questions.
- Offer reassurance: “Thank you for including me. I’d rather understand now than wonder later.”
- Take notes or ask to review things together.
- End with appreciation: “I know this isn’t easy to talk about, but it means a lot that you shared it.”
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